By Pablo G McKenzie
A Script for ICU Online Web TV films

Friday

As usual, Leroy collected £40 from his work colleagues as he left for the day. This was his Friday evening ritual; he went to the convenience store with his collection of lottery numbers and played £40 worth on the Euro lotto, £5 each from 7 colleagues plus his own £5. He had been doing this for just over two years; that was £520 he had spent in two years, and the most he ever won was £10. As he was leaving work this evening, he was calculating that he and his colleagues had spent over £4000 in two years.
There had been a lot of signs this week, which all looked like good luck omens. 1) His boss, Mr Coldham, received a promotion that meant he would be leaving the department. Everyone hated Mr Coldham, who seemed to live up to his name (a cold and impersonal pig was a most fitting description). 2) Everyone in the department would be promoted up one level as a result, which meant Leroy would earn an extra £1000 each year, which only equalled an extra £83 in his salary each month, but hey, it’s better than nothing. 3) His ex-girlfriend finally gave him back his DVD collection, and 4) his bank approved him for his £2.5K loan, which he was going to use to go on holiday this summer. All this good news in one week, and to win the lottery would just be the icing on the cake, estimated jackpot £250 million, the biggest jackpot in history, 15 rollovers in a row, £31 million each if his syndicate won.
Leroy leaves the building:
“Have a nice weekend, Mr Green. See you Monday,” Lenny, the security greeted everyone as they entered and left the building. He seemed to take a great deal of pride in his job and knew everyone who worked in his building by name.
“Hey, you too, Lenny”, Leroy replied.
It was a beautiful summers evening, the street was buzzing with people, every Friday Leroy would leave work, buy the lottery, grab a pint of ‘Strong Bow’ at the local bar, order a Chinese then make his way home, over the year he had managed to time it with such perfection he would arrive to his house 1 minute before the delivery driver from the Chinese take away. Then he would put his feet up, watch the sports channel while tucking into his Chinese, and that was about as exciting as Friday evenings got.
Just as Leroy was about to cross the road to go to the newsagent’s when he heard a woman’s voice call him.
“Hey, Leroy, is that you”?
Leroy looked up at this amazingly stunning, beautiful woman standing before him. He didn’t recognise her, but she knew his name.
“Yeah, and who are you”?
“It’s me, Amanda from high school, we were in the same class”
Leroy thought back and remembered a fat little freckled girl with braces on her teeth and national health glasses thicker than magnifying glass lenses; her name was Amanda. No, this could never be the same girl in a million years.
“Err, Amanda Dearth”? He said doubtfully
“Wow, you remember my last name as well”, she said, impressed. “You have not changed one bit, you look the same as school days, well, except for the little goatee, I would have recognised you anywhere”

Leroy took a step back to admire the Master piece of human sculpture before his eyes, her face, immaculate, not a freckle in sight, no glasses and perfect teeth, high cheekbones and lips that even Angelina Jolie would envy. Her neck was long and slender, and her shoulders were broad yet elegant. She stood about 5” 5 inches and her hourglass figure curved in all the right places, her long, slender legs looked good enough to suck on, and her feet looked beautiful in her high-heeled stilettos. Leroy was actually dribbling when he said,
“Wow, gue lud greally rood” (translation: You look really good)
Amanda could only chuckle at Leroy’s response.
“So what do you do now”? She asked
Composing himself, he replied, “Oh, I work for an insurance firm,” pointing at the building he just came from “, home content, car, pets, I just got a promotion this week as well, it’s not bad, pays the bills, etc, what about you? What do you do”?
“I own Vertigo Fitness, you know, the gym that picks you up”
“Wow, that’s you, I’ve been seeing your ads on TV, you’re, you’re the woman in the TV commercials”
“Yeah, that’s me”
“But what happened, I mean, in school you were, well, you were,”
“Fat and ugly”, Amanda interrupted.
“Well, I didn’t want to say that, but well yeah”
“I was studying hard, you know, after high school, I moved to Japan for 6 years. I studied many things. I came back four years ago, and now I have been running Vertigo for two years, and I am only 25.”
“Wow”, said Leroy, still looking amazed
“Where are you going now? Do you want to see my new gym? We are having the opening party tonight in the Zero Gravity Bar. It starts at 7 pm.”
“Well, I had nothing planned, I was just gonna go home, but hey, I will get changed and I will be there.”
“Have you kept in touch with anyone from school days?” asked Amanda
“Only Doughnut and Burrell’s”, Leroy replied
“Oh my gosh, he’s still called Doughnut, after all these years”, she chuckles “, what’s his real name”?
“I can’t remember, I’ve called him doughnut for so long now, it’s funny even his girlfriend calls him doughnut too”.
“Well look, the opening party starts at 8:00 pm its invite only but I will put your name on the door, jacket and tie, no jeans or trainers, this is a corporate event as we are moving into health and beauty media, I will be looking out for you, maybe you can come back to my hotel with me for the after party”
The grin on Leroy’s face could only be compared to a Cheshire cat that got all the cream hand-delivered by mice.
“YO! Is that you, Leroy”?
Leroy and Johanna looked around to see the source of the voice calling Leroy
“Leroy, what are you saying, man? It’s me, Sparky, man, you ain’t changed a bit”.
Sparky was another of Leroy’s high school friends, named Sparky because of his habit of lighting fires.
“Sparky”? Sparky was Fat in High school, and he is still fat now.
“Yeah dude, it’s good to see you, dam, you ain’t changed a bit, star, what’s it been what, 8, 9 years, look at you man”.
“Dude, the last I heard you were going to juvenile for burning down the school tech building, that was 9 years ago, mercy guy, what you been up to?”
“I am a journalist now, dude, I’m here doing a piece on the vertigo club tonight, hey, remember that little fat girl with the metal mouth, he, he, he, you know the one we…”
“Oh, Sparky, remember Amanda from high school?” Leroy firmly interrupted Sparky mid-flow and pointed to Amanda
“DAM! You never went to my school, girl. I would remember you, oh yeah, girl, I would definitely remember you”
“It’s me, Amanda, the little fat girl with the metal mouth, you were saying”? Amanda replied with a cheeky grin and a raised eyebrow.
“No way, you could never be her”? Sparky steps back, looking very serious
“So Sparky, speaking of ‘fat’, you look like you should join my gym”, Amanda says, taking a step back and looking Sparky up and down.
“Is that really you, Jabba the Hutt, Darth? No way this could never be you, I mean, look at you, you’re gorgeous, you’re perfect, you’re”….
“Jabba the Hut”? Amanda did not look too impressed with that nickname, “I was never that fat, where do you get off calling a girl Jabba the Hut? No wonder I was traumatised by my high school days, I can’t believe you guys, anyway, look whose talking?”.
“Aw come on, you got to admit you were butters girl, in school days you were strait from the ugly farm” Sparky seemed to be enjoying his memories of Amanda’s ugly years, “but tell me the truth, who are you really and don’t be giving it you are Amanda a, cause nothing that ugly could turn out this stunning.”
Amanda, hands on her hips and head cocked to one side, just rolls her eyes with pity and looks at Sparky as though he is a naughty 6-year-old child.
“Look as your old pals you can both come to the party, I need to go now I have to organize myself but if you are there 8:00 sharp I will be at the door, you will both be on the guess list and Sparky you can have an interview on the condition I get to see the article before you print, who do you write for anyway”?
“National Enquirer”, he says proudly
“What! That’s not a real paper, forget it, no interview, if you come with Leroy, you can get in, look, got to go, guys, see you later”.
“Hey, girly, don’t be putting a brother down like that, you know how many readers we got”?
Leroy and Sparky watched in awe and wonder at Amanda’s perfect form as she quickly walked off to the Zero Gravity club.
“Wow”, they said simultaneously.
“I can’t believe I’ve bumped into the two of you just like that, what a week, where are you living now”? Leroy says with joy and amazement
“Just outside London, only came down here cause I heard Amanda was launching a business, I had no idea that was her though, that’s the girl on TV, ain’t it”?
“Yeah, that’s her”
“Wow, I’ve got to get that article”
“You really write for National Enquirer”?
“Well, no, I haven’t got the job yet, but I figured if I do a good job on this, I will have my foot in the door”, Sparky says with a look of determination on his face
“What have you been doing all these years man”?
“You got time, it’s a long story, where are you going now? Asks Sparky
“Just going home to get changed,”
“Mind if I come with you? I got a little something I need to do”
“Sure, we can walk and talk”.
Sparky and Leroy caught up on all the events in each other’s lives since high school, right up until this present day, but one thing concerned Sparky.
“Can you remember what we did to Amanda the last day of school”?
“You think she remembers”?
“How could she forget, I mean, it was pretty bad, even by our standards”
“Hmmm”, both men sat in silence for a while.
“Well, what do we do? If we apologise, she will know we had something to do with it. Anyway, look at her, she has to be the most beautiful woman on earth, that must have been put out of her mind a long time ago, I’m sure she has dealt with it”
“I don’t know, man, it was pretty bad”.
Both men sit in silence again.
“What were we thinking back then”?
“You know what, it was Julian’s idea”
“Julian Stewart, wow, that’s a name from the past. I wonder what he’s up to now”
“I heard he was killed in a freak accident, got sucked into a jet engine at Heathrow”
“That was Julian, I read about that in the paper two years ago, wow, what a way to go”
“Yeah, I’m sure he came up with the idea to do all that stuff to Amanda ”
“But who decided we should do it to Amanda
”? “Remember she walked into the classroom just as we were deciding ‘who’, I think that was just her bad luck, or fate”.
“Look, we got an hour, I’m just gonna have a quick shower, then I’ve got to go to the shop, before 7:30 do the lotto, hold tight sparky”
“You still blaze man”?
“No dread gave up long time ago.”
“You mind if I build one while you hold a fresh?”
“Go ahead.”
Sparky rolled a massive spliff; he and Leroy used to smoke regularly together in school days, something Sparky never seemed to grow out of.
Leroy came out of the shower, put on his new Gucci suit
“I’ve been looking for an occasion to wear this”
“Man, I’m gonna look dry standing next to you”, Sparky eying up Leroy’s suit with an envious eye.
“Don’t worry brother, you look cool.”
“Don’t lie man”
“Well, you do look a bit dry, if you weren’t so fat, I would lend you something to wear”
“Thanks”
“Rah, what’s that you smoking, man, it stinks”
“Ah, this is called the ‘Horse Shoe’, grown in Amsterdam, imported via Scotland and sold in Brixton. Try some”
“No mate, I don’t blaze no more”
“What, why, you turn soft or something, I can’t believe you don’t blaze, rah not even one pull for old time sake, bredrin”
“Well, it has been a long time, come pass me that spliff.” Leroy takes a long, deep draw
“Rah boy, go easy, boss, this is the strongest weed on the market”
Leroy holds his breath for a while. He looks at Sparky, and Sparky looks right back at him with a look of concern. “Let it out boy”, Sparky instructs Leroy.
Leroy exhales and leans back, smiling. Immediately he feels lightheaded, and he can’t feel the floor.
“Yo, bruv, am I floating?” he speaks now in a dude voice.
“Shit man, you look mashed, when’s the last time you took a draw?”
“Bout 9 years ago, in high school, I was floating. I couldn’t feel the floor, what was in that man, that ain’t no weed …. Wow, look, I can float”.
Leroy starts jumping up and down, thinking he is moving in slow motion,
“Look Leroy chill bruv you ain’t floating, trust me mate, you definitely aren’t floating”. Sparky says, looking disappointed at Leroy’s lack of ability to handle a buzz.
As the weed buzz kicks in deeper, Leroy starts to think deeply about life, purpose, God, aliens, planets, and attempts to talk about all these topics at the same time.
“Look, bruv, I had no idea you turned into such a lightweight, blaze one spliff and your mash up”, Sparky snaps at Leroy
“What do you mean mash up, I’m cool man, just life ain’t what we think it is, the moon, she speaks dude, can you hear her whispering?”
“Look, let’s go, we’ve got to get to Zero Gravity before 8:00”
The club is just a ten-minute walk from Leroy’s flat, but the whole way there, Leroy is jumping, trying to float. As they get to the club, they can hear the track “I believe I can fly” by R Kelly thumping out of the speakers from inside the club.
“It’s a sign, Sparky, it’s a sign.”
“What’s a sign”?
“Everything man, the song ‘I can fly’, the name of the club ‘Zero gravity’, the moon is full, I’m going to fly tonight brother, a lot of stuff has been happening this week, it’s all for a reason Sparky, stay close bro and watch, I will fly tonight.” Leroy starts taking exaggerated steps as if walking on the moon
“Shit man, just chill, compose yourself, look here comes Amanda ”
“Hi guys, you’re on time, come through”. She notices Leroy’s countenance is very different from earlier, “Are you okay Leroy? You don’t look well”
“I have never been better girly, I can float”
Leroy does his slow-motion jump
“What have you done to him Sparky”?
“Look, he took a draw on my spliff, I had no idea it would affect him like this, it will wear off very soon, trust me, he only had one puff”.
“You guys, you still think you’re in high school, look, take him to the VIP section, sit at table 12 and don’t let him out of your sight. I have a surprise for both of you, you won’t want to miss this.”
Sparky walks Leroy to the VIP section and finds table 12. Zero Gravity is one of the plushest clubs in the area; a glass of water costs £5, a bottle of beer £10, and you have to be really in the money to go there, let alone host a party there. The evening consisted of a 3-course meal, Champagne, an exotic dessert, and more Champagne. Unfortunately, Leroy fell asleep during his dinner and never quite regained consciousness.
During the dessert, there was a stand-up comic and then a number of speeches about the success of Vertigo Enterprise and where they were going in the future.
At the end of the evening, Sparky asked Amanda if he could still have that interview.
“Sure, by all means, it’s good to see old friends. Look, I will have my limo pick you up and bring you and Leroy to my hotel for the after-party, make sure Leroy is with you”.
“No problems, Amanda. I’m sorry he is so mashed, I had no idea one little spliff could do that to him”
Sparky picked got a glass of ice water a threw it in Leroy’s face, “wake up, mo-focker, you’re embarrassing”
“What happened? Where am I”?
“Goof your in Zero Gravity at the Vertigo Party”
“No, last thing I remember was getting out of the shower, what time is it”?
“It’s 2 a.m. Amanda has invited us back to her hotel for the after-party”
“Argh, man, have I made a fool of myself? I can vaguely remember trying to float”
Sparky just looks at Leroy with a ‘yep, made a fool of yourself’ face on. “Now clean your face, you got food on it”…
As they wait outside, a Super Stretched Land Rover limousine pulls up, the driver looks out and asks, “Are you Sparky and Leroy”?
“yeah”
“Jump in, guys”, says the driver, pushing a button that makes the back door open
In the back of the limo, there is a plasma screen with MTV on, a drinks refrigerator, a waterbed, and a Jacuzzi; it is a whole world in the back of this limo.
“Wow”, they say simultaneously, “how much is this Amanda worth”? “Look man, I ain’t saying nothing but judging, but what she put on tonight I’d say she was worth a few million”
They watched an episode of MTV Base and the film American Gangster, and then it dawned on them both how long they had been driving.
“Yo driver dude, where are we going”?
“Sorry fellows, a slight change in plan, Miss Darth asked me to bring you to her Farm in Yorkshire, she will be joining you there in a few hours, you will have all you need there, don’t worry.”
Leroy and Sparky looked at each other blankly.
About 5 a.m., they arrive at a villa, a huge cream coloured house with a massive driveway. On the driveway, they see a Porsche Turbo, a Ferrari and several high-powered bikes. To the left of them are a few tennis courts, and on the right of them an Olympic-sized swimming pool. On the roof of the mansion, they notice a helicopter, then a servant escorts them from the limo to the villa. Next to the mansion.
“Mr Leroy and Mr Sparks, I take it?” said the sophisticated servant who seemed to have an air of authority about him.
“Yeah, that’s us”
“Come this way gentlemen”
They are escorted into what seems to be the basement of the villa, and they pass a snooker room, an indoor swimming pool, a drinks bar, and an indoor cinema.
“Your rooms are right here, make yourself at home, Miss Dearth will be with you in a few hours,” they enter a luxury room with two king-size beds, a beer fridge and a 104-inch plasma screen on the wall, and to the far end of the room a luxury bathroom.
Both men are amazed and perplexed.
“No way, the bathroom goes through to the swimming pool”, Sparky shouts across the room to Leroy, who is checking out the plasma screen.
“How did the girl get all of this, man, she is only what, 25, 26, how is this possible”? Leroy says while walking around the room, checking out all the luxuries.
“I don’t know, but I tell you this, she is going to be my wife, oh yes indeed”, says Sparky relaxing on his king-size bed.
“Don’t be stupid, what would she want with a broke ass nigger like you?”
“Hey, watch it boy, just cause you made a fool of yourself and fell asleep in your food, one spliff and you turn fool”
“Nah, I fell asleep in my food, tell me you’re joking”
Sparky pulls out his mobile phone and shows Leroy the pictures he took
“I can’t believe you took pictures of me man, you could have at least propped me up, or stopped me from falling in my food.”
“He, he, he”
The two men made themselves at home and eventually fell asleep on their luxury king-size beds.
At 12:00 noon, they were awoken by the servant, “Miss Dearth is awaiting your company for lunch, sirs”.
“You may each take a shower, and you have a change of clothes in the closet. I am sure you won’t mind wearing the Vertigo tracksuits and just follow the stairs up at the end of the hall, the lunch room is the third room on the left at the top of the stairs, Miss Darth is there now”.
After they showered, they made their way through the villa to join her. She looked even more beautiful than the night before.
“Hello boys, have my guys taken good care of you”?
“Yeah, but you got to tell me, all this, is this yours, are you, I mean, you must be a millionaire” Sparky is quick to investigate
“Billionaires to be exact”, she says with a smile on her face
“But how, I mean, you are so young”? Sparky continues to inquire
“Hmmm, I will tell you, but on one condition”
“What’s the condition”?
“I will get to that in a minute. Tell me who do you still speak to from school days apart from Doughnut and Burrell’s”?
“No one really, I see Michelle Ryan from time to time, Rene Low, Terrance Brent joined the Police, I see him now and again”. Leroy searches the recesses of his mind for more names.
“What about you Sparky”?
“Dunno, I never really kept up with anyone”
“Think, is there anyone from our class that you can get a hold of, if your life depended on it, how would you do that?”
“Well, let’s see, there are a couple of girls on Facebook from our year, I’m sure I could track down kids from our class through them, why, what’s this all about”?
“I would like to play a little game with you guys, it’s called reminisce, you see, you give me as many details about anyone from our class back in 2000, and for each bit of detail you give, that buys you a mile back to London”.
“What”!!!?
“Well, right now we are 200 miles from London. If you give me 200 bits of information each, then I will see to it you are taken all the way back to London, so here is a pen and here is some paper, now get writing”.
“Look, is this about the last day of school?”
The look on Amanda’s face said it all
“Oh shit man, look girl I had nothing to do with that, it was Julian’s Idea and he instigated the whole thing. I know it was bad and all, but I’m sorry we never meant it to go that far”.
“I understand, Amanda. I will give you as much info as I can, but what are you going to do with it, after all this time?”.
“Leroy, you were the only one I remember who tried to stop them, I remember you saying ‘come on guys enough already leave the girl alone’ that was by far the single most horrific moment of my life, when I walked in the class room that day I could feel the laughter, the silence, I knew something was wrong, but you lured me into the trap Leroy, I trusted you back then, if you did not lure me, nothing would have happened”.
“I know, but”
“But nothing, I was a lonely, insecure girl who hated life, what you guys did to me was unforgivable, you never stuck around to see what they did in the end, did you, and you have no idea what happened before you came”.
“What do you mean by the end and before we left after the tar and feathers?”,
“Oh, so letting all the boys piss on me after, throwing me into a well and leaving me down there naked and bleeding, you missed all that, shaving all my hair off and leaving me in Leicester Square naked the next night covered in tar and chicken feathers”.
“I needed counselling for the next two years. I became agoraphobic, do you know what that is? It is a fear to leave the house. Do you know what cured me”?
“Look, we’re sorry, Amanda, we are so sorry, we had no idea, we just could not have imagined we were young and stupid”
“Do you know what cured me”?
“Look, well, at least you are cured, what, is that what you used to start your empire, the cure, what is the secret cure?”.
“The thought of revenge, paying every last one of you back, that one single solitary though gave me the power, the will, the drive and determination to do all I have done, I have tracked down every last class member from 30 kids there are 8 left and you are going to give me all the information I need to track them down”.
Fuelled with anger Sparky gets up to give Johanna a good slap back into her senses, but as he raises his hand, in the blink of an eye Johanna from her sitting position kicks him in the groin as she raises to her feet, punches him in the stomach puts her hands behind his head and pulls his face into her rising knee with so much force she breaks his nose and knocks him out.
“Am I going to die”?, asks Leroy with great concern after seeing the great ease with which she dismantled Sparky, who is at least 3 times her size.
“Well, that depends on how much information you give me. Here is the pen, here is the paper, now get writing, remember a mile for each bit of info you give me”.
Leroy starts writing, searching his mind for as much information as he can grasp about his ex-classmates, exhausting his mind for information.
“You heard what happened to Julian Stewart”?
“Yes, he was sitting in that very seat the day before he died, the Jet engine was how I disposed of his body”
Leroy felt a huge gulp in his throat and just scribbled as much information down as possible.
“Julian told me how I could find you and Sparky”
Sparky came back to consciousness
“Well, look who it is, Sparky, you were spark out”
“f@&k you bitch”, Sparky screamed as he got up and charged toward her
She grabbed him by his hand and twisted his wrist until he screamed like a girl. The look in her eye was scary. She gained great pleasure in hearing him scream. She would twist hard then release. She seemed to take pleasure in creating different pitches of scream from Sparky; it was as if she were playing him like an instrument.
Finally, he passed out in pain. Leroy looked on with fear and horror. This woman seemed to be some kind of martial arts expert, but like nothing he had ever seen.
“Look, I will do whatever you say, we were 100% wrong and I want to help put that right, whatever I can do for you I will do”.
“Just give me the information I asked for, do I look like I need anything else”? In her tone, there is distaste; her real feelings come to the surface, and Leroy realises there is nothing but hatred in her heart towards him.
About 3 pm, Sparky wakes up again
“Now, boys, here is what is going to happen, we are going to play another game in two hours. I am going to go over the information you have given me, and true to my word, for each bit of useful information you will get a mile, 200 bits of useful info equals a get all the way to London pass”.
“Now my driver will leave exactly 45 minutes before I leave, and when I leave I am coming to kill you, Julian made it to Luton, the furthest so far, I have played this game with 22 of our class mates and so far none have got away, remember John Pastey he was the one who told me where you worked Leroy, I moved my company onto the same street and have been watching you for the past 4 months, I called National Enquirer Sparky and told them to send you, they never expect to see you again as I told them I would be offering you a job”.
“Where is John Pasty now”?
“He was the main course last night, Leroy. It was funny watching you tuck in to your friend Sparky”
Leroy and Sparky feel like throwing up
“So now you know the rules, you have two hours”.
Amanda left the room, and immediately Sparky tried to escape, but all the doors to the room were locked from the outside. He picked up a fire poker from the fireplace and tried to smash a window, but the glass seemed to be shatterproof.
“I never saw this coming in a million years. She has killed 22 people from the same class, and not a word on the news, I wonder if the Police have any idea what’s going on”?,
“We’ve got to get out of here man”
“Look, put down as much info as you can. If she is true to her word, we can at least get out of the villa. I have about 100 bits of info, I can get 100 miles away, start writing Sparky”
“I’m gonna knock the bitch out, I ain’t writing nothing”
“Look fool, she’s already knocked you out twice. The girls in shape, I wouldn’t fight her, I think she wants to hunt you, that’s why she is letting us live, it’s for the hunt, or else she could have killed us while we slept in the beds downstairs.”
“Look, she got lucky right, when she walks in this room again watch what I do to her, she’s just a girl, look how small she is to me, I will just overpower her, break her neck knock her driver out, take that stretch limo and bomb back to London, I ain’t no pussy, no little scrawny girl gonna over power me, just watch.”
“Dude, you were screaming like a girl, she threw you around like a rage doll, I saw it with my own eyes, that’s why I ain’t lifting a finger against her”…
At 5 pm, Amanda unlocked the door and entered the room. Sparky, true to his word, got up and charged towards her. She jumped in the air and with a flying kick to the side of Sparky’s head and knocked him out yet again.
She walked over to Leroy as if nothing had happened and took his paper, “Tell that fat idiot when he wakes up I am a black belt 12th Dan in 9 martial art disciplines. And if he does one more thing like this I will feed him alive to my Pigs”.
At 7 pm, Amanda returned to the room. Sparky was still groggy from the kick to the head he received.
“Well, Leroy, this is the situation, from all the info you gave me, only 35 items were of any use to me, a lot of the names and info you gave were either blind guesses, and those that were accurate, well, let’s just say I have played with them already”.
“So you have bought yourself 35 miles. As for Sparky here, well, tonight I will feed you to my Pigs. 12 pigs can eat you down to the bone in a few hours. However, Leroy can help you escape by giving you some of his miles, what you say, Leroy, say give him 10 of your 35 miles”.
“Look Leroy, this bitch is crazy, I can’t take her by myself, there is no way she can take on both of us”.
“I’ve seen how effortlessly she went through you, I would rather try my luck on getting back to London”.
“You F@&KING pussy bitch, you can’t let this girl take us out like this man”
“Give him 10 of my miles”
“You’re a nice guy Leroy, that’s why I trusted you in School, but that’s why you hurt me so much. I have never trusted anyone since. I will kill you gently when I catch you”.
“What if I get back to London? Is this over? How do I survive, when will you stop hunting me”?
“Hmmm, if you are alive at 9:00 am Monday, I will let you live”.
“Ok, I am ready”.
At exactly 9:00 p.m., Leroy and Sparky were put in the back of a Land Rover and driven up the A1. At 10 miles, Sparky was thrown out, and at 25 miles, Leroy was thrown out.
Leroy ran to the very next exit and went looking for a police station. He saw a police car and flagged it down.
“Help me, and my friend is in trouble, we’re being hunted, you’ve got to help us, he is about 15 miles back”.
The police listened and took him into the station.
He sat in the reception area for about 2 hours, then was called into the interview room
“Hello Leroy, I am DSI Darth, it is very ironic you should come to this station of all the station in the UK, you see, my daughter enjoys her little games and I just want you to know you have two choices, I can put you in a cell and we can wait until she arrives or you can continue and try to make your way back to London, you see, I saw what you did to my daughter and to be honest there is nothing I would like more than to help her catch you, but she has rules and I stick to her rules, now how do you want to play son, stick or twist”?
“This is a bad dream”, Leroy vomits all over the interview table, “oargh, you got to be kidding me”
The DSI calls in two other officers, “Clean him up and bring him back”. Two officers take Leroy to the gents and give him a cup to wash out his mouth. Completely stunned, Leroy doesn’t know what to say. He cleans himself and asks to go back to see the DSI.
“So what’s it to be, Leroy?”
“Twist”.
The DSI walks Leroy through the station until they reach the exit.
“Ok, there is the door, I hope you get caught”.
Leroy could not believe this; it was like a bad dream, he thought to himself, could he still be tripping on Sparky’s spliff? What if he passed out from the spliff and this was all a dream? He ran along the main road, headed back towards the Motorway, “if I can thumb a lift back to London, that would be the quickest way home”, he thought to himself. He saw someone smoking a cigarette.
“Hey, you can take a lug”
“Here have the rest, I’m trying to quit”
Leroy took the cigarette and placed the burning end on the palm of his hand
“Arrrrgggggh”
“You alright mate?”
“Shit, this ain’t a dream, look mate, is there a cab office round here”?
“Well, I don’t know where it is, but I got their number”
“Shit, my phone, clothes, wallet, everything is back at her Villa”.
“Wow, that sounds interesting”
“Where is the nearest train station”?
“Nottingham Station is about 10 miles up the road”
“Please mate, you know any way I can get there a.s.a.p, my life depends on it”
“All I can say is stay on this road, keep walking, you will see the signs, I ain’t got a car or money to help you out with though mate, sorry”
Just then, Leroy saw a Land Rover at the end of the street, and he hid himself under a parked car.
“Shit, shit, shit, shit, her Dad must have told her where I am”. But the Land Rover just drove slowly by without stopping.
Leroy ran almost the whole way until he began to see signs to the station. It was an open station with no barriers. He waited and just jumped on the first train headed south. He locked himself in the toilets to avoid the ticket inspectors.
He rested and wondered what had happened to Sparky.

15 miles further back, Sparky had been trying to thumb a ride unsuccessfully. It was dark, and cars were all travelling over 70 mph. Sparky had covered just about one mile when he saw a grass verge and some deep bushes and decided to hide under the bushes until morning. He curled up into a ball and closed his eyes.

Back on the train, Leroy thought back to the little fat girl in school and that fateful day.
‘They had just finished history lessons, and the class was about the punishment that was meted out to criminals in England under Queen Victoria. The lesson went into great detail about being tarred and feathered. The victim would be covered from head to toe in boiling tar, and then covered in feathers, and then dragged around the street in this condition.
There was a construction site next to the school, and the school had millions of feathers on the roof from years of pigeons making their home on the roof. Julian dared the class to tar and feather someone on the last day of school; everyone was up for it, it was just a question of who.
“Who should we get”? A class member asked
At that very moment, Amanda Dearth walked into the room. She was a quiet little geeky girl no one really knew or liked. Leroy had been kind to her over the years because he felt sorry for her, but no one else really cared; she would be the ultimate victim.
However, the rumour was that before she was brought to the designated place to be tarred and feathered, Leroy had to lure her to Julian’s home by inviting her to a party. There was no party, only a trap.
Amanda went to Julian’s place, but Leroy was not there. Leroy later heard that this is where they stripped her naked, gang raped her, then brought her to the construction site, battered and broken. They covered her in tar and then rolled her in feathers, threw her in the back of Julian’s cousin’s pickup truck and drove her to Leicester Square and threw her in the fountain.
That was the last Leroy had heard of her until Yesterday, 9 years later.

Sparky hears a car pull up near the place he is hiding, he tries to peep to see where the car is, about 20 yards away on the hard shoulder of the motor way a black BMW is parked, lights on engine running, Sparky starts running towards it before the driver starts to leave, he gets to the car and there is no one inside. His first thought is to just jump in and drive off he put his hand on the door handle, then ‘THUMP!’
From behind, someone smashed him on the back of the head.
“Oh, this was just too easy Sparky.”
Amanda handcuffs Sparky’s ankles to the left and right sides of the rear bumper. Sparky, still dazed from the smash on the back of his head, puts up little resistance. She jumps in the car and reverses over him, breaking his back and legs. He is now face down with his legs at the back of the car and screaming with agony. She handcuffs his right hand to the right underside of the car and his left hand to the left underside. The hot exhaust pipe is burning into his back. Amanda calmly gets back into the driver’s seat, revs up the engine to drown out Spaky’s screams, checks her mirrors and then lets it rip. Within 10 seconds, she is up to 100 mph with her foot firmly to the floor. Sparky is well and truly dead by the time she reaches 150 mph. As it is night, it is hard to notice the two-mile-long blood, flesh and bone stain left by Sparky’s remains.

Leroy made it back to London and back to his flat by 4 am Sunday. The deal was that he had to stay alive till 9:00 am Monday, then the hunt was off. He wondered how Sparky was coping.

Leroy slept most of the day but woke up at 11 pm, he had left everything at Amanda’s villa: his wallet with his address and his house keys. He lay wide awake all night listening to every single sound.
At 6:15, the sun began to rise. Leroy had a quick wash and got ready for work. He switched on the morning news.
No mention of accidents along the A1, maybe Sparky made it home too, Leroy hoped. At 8:30, Leroy carefully made his way to work. He dressed in disguise just in case Amanda was waiting for him, and he also used a different route, which made him ten minutes late.
When he entered his office building, the security guard came up and gave him a hug, “Well done Leroy, well done mate, all the best to you”
“Thanks”, Leroy said, thinking to himself ‘How could he have known? Was he in on it? Was this all a big joke, but Sparky took a real beating? I saw him get knocked out. Unless Sparky was in on it too, what were the chances of seeing two old school pals on the same day?
Leroy pressed the 18th floor in the lift.
“Even the police were in on this, this had to be one huge elaborate hoax, but why, how could the security downstairs know?”
When the lift doors opened, there was pandemonium on his floor: “There he is, the man, you made it, woo hoo.” The secretary came up and gave him a French kiss; everyone was drinking Champagne, music was blaring, and some of the girls were dancing in their underwear.
“Were you all in on it? Did you all know”?
“Oh, we were all in on it alright, but who knew, who bloody knew, eh, who bloody knew? yeeee har”
“Do you know I’ve been bloody scared to death, I thought I was going to die, this has been the scariest 24 hours of my entire life”
“Go on, mate, show us, let us bloody see it”
“See what?”
“The bloody tickets, the bloody £250 million lotto winners, the tickets to paradise, go on mate, let me set eyes on the beauties so I can stop pinching myself.”
“What tickets”?
“What tickets? ha ha ha ha aaaaah ha ha what tickets?”
Then it dawned on Leroy, they had actually won, he looked in the bosses office, the old boss was crying, he could tell by the atmosphere everyone had quit their jobs, £250 million divided by forty people, and Leroy forgot to buy the bloody tickets, he smoked that nuclear spliff from Sparky and was stoned high when he should have been buying the tickets.
The look on his face said it all.

Meanwhile, back at the farm
“Is there anything I can do for you my lady”?
“No, thank you Jeeves. I have all I need”
“Is he the first to get away, my lady”?
“Yes, he was the first”
“If you don’t mind me saying so, my lady, but you didn’t try very hard to catch him, usually, you are very ruthless and persistent.”
“Yes, but I’m sure Karma will catch him up. Have you booked my flight to The Bahamas Jeeves”?
“Yes, ma’am, I have booked you into the hotel where Burrells works.”
“Good, I want a little break before I pay a visit to Doughnut, and the plans I have for Burrel’s will be a masterpiece.”
Amanda goes for a swim and then sits back to relax and watch the morning news.

watching the news:
“It was reported today that a man was thrown from his 18th-floor office window after failing to buy last Friday’s Euro million jackpot-winning tickets. 26-year-old Mr Leroy Smith of …..